A Different Kind of Loving

It will never cease to amaze me how people perceive domination and submission, and the fact that the same attitudes seem to be held in two galaxies. Let me see--the 'Dom' is some strong macho male, dark and brooding, dressed in black leather with a whip in his hands?

And the 'Submissive' is a female, jumping at the slightest whim of their Master, weak-minded and weak-willed?

Well, that's how the porn books and films portray a very different kind of loving. And that's very different from a Dominant and submissive perception of D/s--how the ones who actually live the lifestyle perceive it. It's simply about control, needing to take control and needing to give up control, and I knew from the first day I met John Sheppard that he was one who needed to give.

But it was many months before I acted on what I knew. Right after I think...oh, yes. Right after he decided he would kill himself on some fool's errand, trying to blow up a Wraith hive ship with a puddle jumper and a nuclear bomb.

That earned him the stupid award big time, so I guess he forced my hand. There was no way he was going to do <i>that</i> again any time soon.

I'm a Dominant, by the way. What, you don't think so?

Right. I'm not macho, strong, dark or broody. Well, okay, I can be broody. Okay, I can be <i>very</i> broody, but that's usually because someone has pissed me off. Of course, lately it's been because I seem to be getting shot at a dozen times a day. Hell, I think most people would be broody about that. And last week someone spilled coffee over my laptop. 'Pissed off' doesn't even begin to cover what I was then. 'Homicidal' might.

And yes, although I've had my moments, and my body isn't in that bad a shape for a man who suffers from the many afflictions I have had to endure, I admit I wouldn't normally use the term 'macho' to describe me, either.

And no, I most definitely do <i>not</i> own a whip of any shape, size, or description. Though sometimes with my staff, I wouldn't mind having a cattle prod. But that's neither here nor there.

You don't need a whip--or much else--when you know how to use your head, and I definitely know that. I also know how to soothe, and I know how to transport a person to that place in their mind where no one else but I can reach them, using just the right amount of pain and the right amount of pleasure.

It's not a place you find in either galaxy. It's a little place called sub-space, and there's one that just John's and my own.

I know when it is necessary for John to have me take over his thoughts and his desires and to make his decisions for him. I know when he needs me to send him to that special place that only I can. I know when it all begins to get too much for him because I can see the tiny cracks appearing in his usually calm and easy-going persona.

We have that special relationship.

A different kind of loving.

John is a submissive. You probably figured that out.

Now you might not think it of him, but let me just tell you that some of the toughest, smartest cookies I have--cookies? Okay, <i>people</i>, people I have met have had submissive tendencies.

No, I know the word 'submissive' doesn’t spring to mind when you look at John. Hell, he fits the 'macho' dominant image beautifully, doesn't he? Much better than I do, at least if you're looking for a good, old-fashioned porno D/s. He even has the hair. But don't tell him I said so.

When he comes into my quarters at night he leaves Colonel John Sheppard at the door. All thoughts of command and authority are gone and he is <i>mine</i>. I tell him what to think and what to feel, I help him to turn off the pain that the day has brought, and his total being revolves around making me happy because I am his Dominant.

I keep him naked when we're together, and no, it's not because I'm kinky--well, maybe a little bit--but mostly it's because it makes him more vulnerable. It makes him <i>feel</i> vulnerable because he can't hide behind that military shield and that helps me get into his head. The only thing I allow him (and this was after I had given it a great deal of deliberation) is to wear his dog tags.

But I wonder how many of our companions have actually noticed that there are three tags, not two.

The Third says simply 'R'. It's my mark. If John were a civilian I would collar him, but this is not an ordinary D/s relationship. It's behind closed doors, in this room and only in this room, and only when I feel that John needs it.

Outside, outside where he takes responsibility for our survival, John is in complete control. He makes decisions and choices that I could never bring myself to make. He cares for all of us, making each of us his own personal responsibility. My life is easy compared to his: I'm responsible only for one person and keeping that one person whole.

Well, except for the other scientists and the operation of the entire city and the safety of each and every person in it. But mostly, yes. Just me.

So. Back to Domination and submission, who is the strongest of the pair--or are we equal?

Is John weak because he needs me in a way that most people would see as totally incomprehensible? Or is he strong, because he can give up total control and allow himself to be at the complete mercy of another person?

Am I strong because I keep the one man who keeps all of us safe together and sane? Or am I weak because I'm always relying on him to keep me safe?

Or are we equals in a different kind of loving?

Where pain brings as much pleasure as gentleness, where mind games are necessary to keep a submissive partner off balance and wanting a little bit more than is good for them. Where marks are worn with pride, not shame, where nakedness is honesty and tears are a sign of love?

Is D/s a relationship built then on strength or weakness?

You choose. I already know